How to live

Below are some articles that will help you live your pointless life. Read them and become a better person now.

How To Deal With Stress

stressStress can kill you. Don’t take our word for it, just ask anyone who’s died from stress.

These days simply walking outside can make you stressed. Especially if you see someone getting murdered, or addicted to drugs, or run over by a car. Because it makes you realise that all these things could happen to you. YOU could get murdered! YOU could get addicted to drugs! YOU could be run over by a car!

But there are ways you can avoid feeling stressed.

Stay inside with all the lights off. Going outside and seeing how terrible the world is will only make you stressed. Stay inside, order food to be delivered and tell them to leave it by the door.

Don’t watch TV! Everything on TV is designed to scare you. Even Pepa Pig can freak you out. Unplug your TV and then smash it.

Don’t answer the phone and be very quiet. After a while your friends will start to worry. At first they’ll call you repeatedly and when you don’t answer the phone they’ll knock on your door and windows. Lie on the floor, under a rug and don’t even breath. With any luck they’ll go away.

Put on more locks and be ready with some kind of weapon. Soon your friends will return with the police and maybe a psychiatrist. More locks on your doors and windows will hold them off for a while, but when they eventually break in be ready to lunge at them with a golf club or umbrella screaming like crazy.

Stay indoors and be positive and you will beat stress

GO FOR IT!!

________________________

How To Avoid Being Annoyed By People

Let’s face it, people are annoying. Be it close friends, relatives, partners, co-workers or someone you don’t even know. They all have their own way of getting your goat. Things like asking you to “go out somewhere”, calling you up for a “chat” or simply smiling when they walk past you at the office can really get your blood boiling!

But there are ways to avoid being annoyed by people.

1) Don’t answer your phone, reply to text messages, respond to emails or open your front door to anyone. If people want to talk to you they’ll just have to find another way.

2) Don’t go to places where there are people, especially if you might know them. They’ll always want to ask you how you’ve been.

3) Live in a cave on an island. Completely avoiding the human race is the best way to go. Tom Hanks was an idiot for escaping that island in Castaway.

annoyed

4) Some of the most annoying people are shop owners, bartenders, waiters or any person that serves you. Never buy anything or ask anyone for assistance.

5) Pretend you’re deaf, blind or dead.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

 

__________________________

How To Fill In Your Time Until You Die

Parrell WilliamsEverything we become obsessed with is an attempt to fill the existential void we all feel that comes with not knowing why we exist.

Some use alcohol, some fill it with religion and still others become celebrities and pretend they’re life has more meaning than anyone else’s.

If you’re struggling to find your perfect activity, here’s a list of things that give your life a false sense of meaning which you may not have considered.

Collecting Various Shit- This is a hugely popular way of giving your life some sort of faux meaning and, when you die, your kids have to pay to get rid of all your crap.

Creating your own blog or website – This is a great one for those who want to complain about something.

Cleaning Your House – What better way to fill in your meaningless hours on Earth. 

Other time wasting activities include:

– Staring into space

– Owning more than 2 cats

– Joining any sort of club and becoming treasurer

– Having children

Advertisements