New Device Signals End of Humanity

A cat licking tool using a cat licking tool

A new device that allows real human beings to simulate licking their cat, officially signals the end of humanity, reports suggest.

Researchers agree that humans have possibly reached their lowest evolutionary point in 10,000 years. “We could only get lower if people started using that thing to lick their dog’s balls”, said a well known historian.

“Humans have done some stupid shit over the years, but nothing this fucked”,  said another.

Officials have warned everyone on earth to expect the end of humanity within days.